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Confessions of the irrational sort

A little bit of love to start the day.
Sending you some e-love via vintage postcards sans the pretty handwriting and expensive stamps.

Saint Valentine’s Day has an intriguing history if you’ve ever researched it.  Beheading, letters from prison, ancient roman festivals that sour your stomach a little.  There seems to be little consensus as to which Christian martyr named Valentine takes credit for the day’s namesake, but the legends of the day’s origin are many.  Nonetheless, if there is a day that encourages fresh flowers and glittery cards, I’m in.

I had lunch with my husband yesterday.  “I don’t have anything I want to write about this week,” I told him.  But really, this is not true at all.  What I should have said was, “I have so many things I want to write about floating around in my head, I would probably float off into space if each of these ideas was encapsulated in a comic strip speech balloon above my head.”  Picture Curious George floating off above the city with an overflowing handful of colorful balloons, or the cranky dude in Up releasing his house from its earthly foundation.  My brain is searching for the perfect sewing needle to burst these balloons of caution, indecision and idea overload.  Pop, pop, pop!

And, herein may lie the problem – somewhere along the line I started subconsciously boycotting organization.  I’ve gone from this systematic, detail-oriented ninja, slicing and dicing things off my to do list like chopping hands through layers of block, into some other let’s wing it girl, often becoming distracted at the slightest thing… squirrel.  My mind is overly fractured trying to divvy up each week’s work commitments, volunteer responsibilities, kids’ appointments and the rest.  Everyone is busy no question, but I don’t remember cognitively saying to myself one day, you know what, trying to keep up with all of this stuff is exhausting, so I’m just not going to think about or plan for it anymore.

I’m only going to lift my eyes up ever so slightly.  High enough to see through the next couple of days, but not high enough to look directly in the face of any of those obligations staring me down.  Anything else just seems a bit overwhelming and makes me a little anxious.  I don’t remember purposefully employing this strategy, because let me assure you, this is a terrible, terrible strategy, but unfortunately it has become my non-strategy as of late.

Ironically, when I suggest to myself logically… hey, self, “maybe you should give up a couple of those things,” I snatch them all back tightly like a toddler and declare, “No! Mine!”  This is not highly effective or helpful either, ugh.  After realizing I was never going to keep it all straight, I think I mentally just checked out for a couple of weeks refusing to make my life easier by possibly writing down that play date I agreed upon with my friend or reorganizing the disaster that is my desk.  Funny, all of this, from a girl who formerly organized everything on her desk perfectly, perpendicularly square to the corners (about an inch from the edge if I’m completely honest).  I was that crazy girl in the QuickBooks commercial who bragged about making her own spreadsheets.

While I’ll probably never be that girl again, that’s okay.  I just need to give myself a little bit of grace and perhaps arm myself with a better strategy.  Refusing to do something, if it can’t be done perfectly is silly.  And the poor souls dealing with my organizational boycott (i.e.:  my poor husband and my mom), I’m sorry.  I sort of suck right now.

I’m giggling envisioning myself as a toddler floating high above the city, refusing to let go of any of my balloons and come back down to reality.  Since I have a pretty cute example of an irrational toddler living under our roof right now, it just makes the image all the more amusing.  Are you all rolling your eyes and laughing at me right now, like I tend to do when my 2-year-old is giving his best all out tantrum because he wanted to turn off his night-light, and you did it instead?  Ridiculous, right?

The good news is, I know the toddler is going to grow out of his irrational behavior, me… I guess, not so much.

I hope you all have a lovely, love day tomorrow and a relaxing weekend.  And, if you’re not into Valentine’s day, no worries, it has sort of a sad, sketchy past anyways.  Maybe just buy yourself a bundle of pretty roses at the grocery store because flowers = happiness.

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